What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 02:02
My life is so biszare .
What did i know ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Real-World GLP-1 Weight-Loss Results Differ From Trials - Medscape
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Scientists Warn: Long Work Hours May Physically Alter Your Brain - SciTechDaily
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
A Mesozoic myth: Dinosaurs didn’t rule the Earth like we think - Big Think
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Scientists Identify Hidden Rule That Shapes All Life on Earth - SciTechDaily
I have no regrets .
He knew the spot.
This is soul school!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
A new COVID variant is spreading across California. Could we see a summer surge? - Sacramento Bee
Ive learnt so much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I don,t even have a pension.
Aut dolorem voluptates tempore maxime.
She found it foreign!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Scientists Discover Startling Trick to Defeat Insomnia - futurism.com
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Listen to the Andromeda galaxy's stars played as musical notes in eerie NASA video - Live Science
I think the readers, may guess!
I was scared of men, in general
We were not on the streets..
Aldi accused by Oreo maker Mondelez of copying its packaging - CBS News
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Rangers Option Kumar Rocker - MLB Trade Rumors
As i do to all so called friends.?
All the time i was locked up.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We all went to grammer schools
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was very sick at this time too.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But, we were locked up after school.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She loved him until the end.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I said to her
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
(And it was in our own minds.)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And i lived it daily.
So, i spoilt her more .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My family never makes their pension either.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She married twice! .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So whats the point in blame.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One cannot live in the past .
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im still living with it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it wasn’t much.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
Put me off passion for life!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I will be 64.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I write beautiful poetry .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It was going to be , some day.
Would this be the day?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I waited trembling.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was 9 years of age.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.